By, Melanie Rivard, LCSW
The days are getting shorter, a chill is in the air, and the falling leaves drift away as do the last remnants of summer. Fall is here, and that means the holidays are around the corner. However, the magic of the holidays is overshadowed this year by the coronavirus, which is rapidly spreading rather than fading away. The pressure many parents and caregivers feel to create holiday miracles after a year of endless challenges can be overwhelming.
As a child development expert, therapist, writer, and parent, I am very familiar with the enormous pressure on parents to manifest a magical holiday season, and that pressure can be overwhelming on the best of years! If you are a parent or caregiver who is worried about disappointing children and loved ones this holiday season, this blog post is for you.
Take the pressure off yourself and your family to replicate the same old “perfect” holiday, kick back, and check out my five tips from a therapist for navigating the holidays during COVID.
1. Go ahead and grieve the loss of normalcy and tradition. This holiday season is different than any holiday season we have ever experienced. Rather than holding it in and burying your disappointment, try to acknowledge your feelings. Give yourself and your children permission to mourn. The grief you feel is real, and you aren’t alone in feeling this way. Many of us are struggling (including myself). By normalizing some of the negative feelings, we can process and release them.
2. Create a “Cope Ahead” Plan. Help the children in your life cope with the uncertainty of the holidays by establishing a holiday “Cope Ahead Plan” well before the holidays. Determine your family’s plan for travel, gatherings, etc. Share these plans with your children and give them space and time to talk about their feelings regarding any changes. Encourage them to voice their fears, validate them, and then brainstorm healthy ways to cope together. Create a story on paper, or reenact a scenario with dolls or figurines, to encourage your child to play out their planned coping response. This empowering approach reduces anxiety over the unknown and reinforces they can come to you for help and comfort.
3. Focus on gratitude. It’s no secret that cultivating gratitude leads to a better quality of life by improving relationships with others, increasing self-esteem and reducing stress. You can help your child feel connected to gratitude by helping them write thank you notes for gifts, or send thank you cards to veterans and health care workers. The best way to help your child connect is to model gratitude daily. Thank the people who check you out in the grocery line, thank your friends for making time to call, and thank your child for their contributions to the home and family.
4. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we will not please everyone with the decisions we make for our families during a pandemic. It can be helpful to listen and validate the other person’s feelings. Everyone needs to feel heard, especially during a pandemic. However, keep in mind that you can acknowledge someone’s feelings while also maintaining your boundaries. Try, “I can understand it how disappointing it may be for you that we can’t visit this year, and although we cannot make it this time, we will all visit as soon as it is safe.”
5. Reflect on what matters most to you about the holidays, and create a new tradition around it. For example:
· Schedule a video chat with loved ones and make the same favorite meal together.
· Wait to open presents until you can be together during a video call in order to share the excitement!
· Go caroling. You can stand in socially distanced family bubbles on neighbors’ lawns. Nursing homes and senior living facilities may also welcome carolers outside of residents' windows- but be sure to call ahead for information regarding COVID policies.
· Volunteer. Utilizing best safety practices, such as wearing a mask and socially distancing, you could donate time to a local pet shelter, collect items to donate to shelters for people experiencing homelessness, or adopt a child or senior citizen from the local Angel Tree.
· Host a Netflix viewing party and watch holiday movies while wearing silly sweaters and hats. Pause for movie trivia along the way!
· Deliver cookies, cards, or meals to neighbors who may be isolated during this time. Just be sure to socially distance.
· Arrange a virtual playdate between your child and a loved one. By arranging one on one time, both the child and their loved one have the opportunity to connect, it is also a win-win-WIN- because the caregiver can take a break while remaining close by.
With a little planning and a lot of patience and understanding, the holidays can still be a time of magic and wonder despite the coronavirus. And if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and stressed by the holidays and COVID, please know you are not alone. LexCounseling has a team of caring therapists who are here to support you and your family during this trying time. Please call 859-457-1262 to schedule your free consultation with our caring and knowledgeable therapists. We are honored to help you find your light.
